Finally Adjusting!

There are moments where I have this unnerving wave of, “Oh my god, I’m in LONDON” and everything crashes over me at once. Today I had one of those moments. I was riding the tube in alone to class and sitting there alone, listening to music, watching people hurry on and off, I felt like I was far away. With my phone, I feel tethered to my real life back at home. But, for some reason, I had this surge of the reality of the distance and time. I’m really far away. Like, really far away. I’m here for a long time.*

I’m getting better, though! I feel a lot more confident. I have a system and structure. I’m exploring a lot of this city, both on my own time, but also with classes on field excursions.

I’m realizing I’ve set my standards high. I’ve been obsessed with London for as long as I can honestly remember. Absolutely enthralled with the culture, the people, the longed ambiance… and I’m realizing it’s really not all that. Now, it could be I just haven’t fully immersed myself in this city… or 8-year-old Abby was looking at a canted angle.

London is one of the most romanticized cities in the world. It’s beautiful, it’s breathtaking, it’s unbelievable… but so is Pittsburgh. I’ve learned the value of home after being here. I want American food. I’m a picky eater… way pickier than I thought. And it’s not me being materialistic, which I think is how it’s coming across to a lot of people… I just want mac and cheese, man. And sandwiches without mayo. Or tomatoes. Or tuna. Sure, I’m clumping “food” with, like, Sainsbury’s and Tesco take away **. But… I don’t know. I wish I were more adventurous with food. But, I wish I realized how much I loved home before I came here.

But maybe that’s good. Maybe it’s good that I realized I love being near my family and I need to be close. I love talking to my mom multiple times a day. Honestly… I love being American. I don’t know where this overwhelming pride of being an American came from but here we are. I love the States… 15-year-old me is gagging.

I’ve been to many cool places! Bath… Stonehenge… Camden… Shoreditch… I’m happy our program implements both many weekend excursions, but also in-class ones.

I’m finally getting into the swing of London… we’re finding out how to save money… where to go…  how to relax but also do a lot. I didn’t realize how overwhelming it is to study abroad. There’s several times a week where I’m like, “WHAT did I get myself INTO?”

I’ve actually learned several things about myself. The list as follows:

1. Pittsburgh is a dope (translation for old folks: cool) city. I love you, Pittsburgh.

2. I am very clingy to my parents. I’m basically a baby monkey hanging from my mother’s neck. This is fact.

3. I’m really bad at crossing streets. I may have almost been hit by double decker busses multiple times… sorry, mom and dad… but pedestrians don’t have the right of way here and I go to school in Oakland where we RUN those streets, am I right ladies!

4. I love mac and cheese.

5. I love the city… but maybe not constantly being in the city. I need a nice tree or bird chirp or sliver of grass here and there to stay sane and not have the constant paranoia I am in the way of a really expensive looking businessman or a car.

6. Constant social interaction is not ideal. Maybe I’m not as extroverted as I thought.

7. I’m obsessed with my phone… but I definitely already knew this about myself.

I hope none of this comes off as ungrateful or whiny or annoying or whatever. Hey, you clicked the link! I am so beyond grateful that my parents are able to give me the opportunities I have had and continue to have. I don’t regret coming here in the slightest. But there are bits and pieces that haven’t fully slotted together and meshed with the rest of me yet.

But! Luckily the parentals will be dropping in to good ‘ol Londontown in a month’s time (hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and I also found a store today called… wait for it… THE AMERICAN FOOD STORE… and I spent way too much money on two boxes of Annie’s mac and cheese, but HOLY HELL, was I craving it.

I’m meeting a lot of cool people and doing a lot of cool things so! London’s pretty cool.

I’m leaving for PARIS tomorrow morning… yeah…. Paris. How cool?!

But just wanted to let everyone know I’m adjusting (and not crying as much, lol) and also I’m alive and also I’m having fun and also still love over-sharing about my life!!

Okay, I want a Walker’s cookie right now (shortbread, buttery sliver of HEAVEN)

Bye for now!

Xoxo

A

* far and long relative

** American translation: Giant Eagle pre-made sandwiches

Settling

Hi. I'm in London? I'm sitting on my comfortably worn brown couch that's only really scratchy if you put your skin on it. My friend Luke (our neighbor) is stretched across the next one, lounging as Dad Cat. My roommate Ashley is sitting next to me, engrossed in a novel. My other roommate Chelsea is propped against the heater, sipping a cider, and chatting on Facebook. Tara, our other roommate is somewhere in our "flat" (read: tiny living environment, way too small for 5 people.)And Lexi, is updating her blog.

So, yeah, I've finally made it. I've said for as long as I can remember that I wanted to study abroad, and specifically London. After throwing away my life to Harry Potter at that fetal age of 8, I knew I wanted to go to London.

I'm sitting here trying to summarize my almost week here, and it's hard to encompass it all. I've been at the highest and lowest. The day I left, leaving my parents was by far one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. The few days leading up, I was incredibly unstable. The littlest things were setting me off. From my dog sitting next to me with his head on my leg, to my mom's warming hugs, I just wanted to take everything from home and plop it down in London. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't regretting my decision to come here. To put it simply, I was terrified of change. I used to think that I was a person who longed change and loved being away from home... but change meant changing my sheets, and being away from home means, like, Indiana... or New York City... all 4 hour plane rides top away from home.

Leaving, I composed myself after going through security (read: I hyperventilated while sobbing as I hugged my parents goodbye.) The whole flight situation was all messed up... between our original flight getting cancelled, to them moving us into an earlier flight... we finally reached Chicago. We had about 20 minutes to regroup and eat something before we got on our plane to London. La de da, 9 hours later, I was staring out the window to England countrysides and the London Eye.

After navigating RIDICULOUSLY heavy luggage to the train... then to a cab... we finally reached our flat. And I was exhausted. Another Abby Lesson was in order -- I used to think I can handle exhaustion and limited sleep well... Oh, how I was mistaken. I wasn't my normal self. Without having 3G, my phone was useless. I just wanted to call my mom. I was on the brink of crying in a Starbucks. The WiFi in my flat is unbearably slow, and I can't pick up a strong feed in my room.

Finally, finally, after a crying session in my kitchen to my mother (Skype premium plan is a godsent) and a pub visit (across the street!) with my roommates, we called it a night. I called my parents and said goodnight and went to bed. And then, I woke up at 2 AM without being able to sleep in the slightest. The mattress, springs piercing my back, was unbearable. My pillows, unshapely and shedding, were leaving kinks in my neck. I couldn't take it. I started crying. I wanted my mom. I wanted my dad. I wanted to be home. I just wanted to see my dog and make stupid jokes with Emily, and Danielle, and Lauren and everyone at home. I hated it. I hated it so much.

I went out into the living room, called my mom, and LOST it. Long story short, after a babbling, ugly crying session later, I calmed down.

I'm gonna skip around here. But yeah, I'm okay now. A lot better! I needed sleep and food and better bedding (I had to buy pillows, I'm sleeping on my comforter, and I bought 2 new blankets... ew.) I've toured so much of London. I've walked literal miles upon miles. I've figured out an entirely new transportation system. Then finally today, I had my first class, a film class and I'm feeling really good about it. I bought a British SIM card so I have 3G. I've accepted that I need to be tethered to my "real" world. I need to be able to text my friends at home at beck and call. I need to be able to call my mom when I'm walking down the street. I just need that. And that's okay.

I've learned a LOT about myself in these past few days. I feel stronger and better and more excited about this semester now that I've settled.

WOW, lots of emotion. Also, apparently using this blog again. And also, this was such a blah, downer post. LONDON IS COOL AS HECK. It's SO big and busy and overwhelming and scary and awesome. Every corner of this city is nestled with a bite of history. You can be looking at a building that your great, great, great, great (x10) grandfather walked into and spin around and be staring at your reflection in a swanky, glass, modern office building. It's consantly bustling and the city ebbs and flows and spills out everywhere. It's mass mayhem. And it's incredible.

I can't wait to sink into this city and blend into its stitches seamlessly. I miss home. I miss my parents. I miss my friends and dog and hamburgers and mac and cheese and my coffee pot. But, I'm excited to fully embrace London.

London's calling.