Some kinda sad thoughts

Today I feel weird. I wasn't going to blog feeling like this, but I think I need to start documenting how I feel during this trip more. 

I've been in such a weird mood today. I'm thinking about how everyone has those "excited" moments in their host country when they get there. Pure exuberance. Happiness. Enthrallment. I've yet to have it.  

I think I over-hyped London. I've been obsessed with it for as long I can remember. Everything. The culture. The films. The shows. The music. The literature. And it's letting me down. I had this over-romanticized idea of London since 8-year-old Abby cracked open Harry Potter. 

I'm not really "happy" here. More So just enduring it. And I'm annoyed at myself. I'm annoyed that I thought I wouldn't be homesick. And that I can do well with distances. And new cultures. And change. And all of that. And I'm wrong. 

I wish I could be that person who is in love with everything they're doing during their study abroad experience cause I'm not. I have a few days/moments when I love London. But not enough. Or not enough from what I think I'm supposed to be feeling. 

I don't regret coming. Please don't read this as whiny or ungrateful. I am so blessed and lucky to have this opportunity. I know there's millions of people who would kill for this opportunity. 

I just wish I was feeling more happy. I miss my parents. And friends. And dog. And American food. And pittsburgh. And Oakland. 

I've also been in a weird mood today. So that might be why I'm feeling like this. Also the weather has been kinda crappy. 

Hopefully I will feel better when the sun starts shining more. 

I know I'll love London eventually. And I'm excited to hit that point.